Vegetarian newly wed gets disrespected at Christmas lunch for her menu
Theoretically, Christmas might be one of the most uplifting times of the year. However, conflicts and stressful situations can so easily arise.
This is especially true for families, yet we frequently underestimate the strain that the holiday season can have on our connections.
Even so, there are a few issues where we can come to an understanding. A Reddit user asked if she was an A-Hole for not serving ham on Christmas.
She wrote: “I’ll start this off by saying I’m a born and raised vegetarian. I’ve never eaten meat, let alone learned to prepare it.
“My husband and I are newly married and recently bought our first apartment. It’s small, but it’s ours, and it’s across the road from his place of work, which was a bonus since he is often on call.”
Following his family tradition, the newly wed couple hosts Christmas dinner.
She writes that she initially tried to offer it to her sister-in-law because she had wanted to host the previous year, but she never got the opportunity because their brother-in-law got married two months before her Christmas.
Moreover, she reiterates that they're a vegetarian home, and their one-bedroom apartment isn’t ideal for hosting. Since initially offering hosting duties to her new sister-in-law, she was thrilled, however, when the rest of the family insisted that the newly weds host. As per her husband's family tradition, “I was told that as long as I got food for everyone that it would be fine.”
The Reddit user admitted she may have misunderstood what was expected of her as a host.
“I thought this meant as long as I had enough food, and made sure to accommodate food allergies they would be happy.
"Even though I was left to prepare dinner alone on Christmas Day because my husband had to work until 4pm, I nevertheless put together a feast, including a plant-based roast," she wrote.
People began to gather and even made remarks about how good everything smelled.
“My husband came, greeted the family, and then joined me in the kitchen as I put the finishing touches on the meal and prepared it for the table. A few individuals commented on how nice everything appeared before FIL (father-in-law) inquired about the whereabouts of the ham.
“In response to my husband's explanation that I didn't feel comfortable cooking meat, especially ham because undercooked pork may be particularly dangerous, and noting that I have never prepared the dish and instead we had a plant-based roast alternative.
“However, my father-in-law proceeded to make remarks about how they ‘drove an hour for plants’. After that, even the people who had been positive began to complain about how something was missing, etc. MIL (mother-in-law) expressed her desire for SIL to host at one point.”
She adds, as a result of the behaviour, “my husband lost his temper and urged them to stop disrespecting the dinner and me because I worked so hard to prepare it. If they couldn't do that, he told them, they could go. My MIL argued that I disrespected them by not respecting their dietary preferences and that she thought she was being clear when she requested me to prepare lunch for everyone.
“Shortly after everyone left. But ever since, my husband has received texts complaining about how I was selfish and ruined Christmas, probably the last one my FIL will see. Although I made a mistake, I was also upfront about the fact that we are vegetarians and that I didn't even want to host.
“I feel horrible that he’s in the middle of all this,” she wrote.
Commenting on the post, Anxious Engineer said: “NTA. Hosts determine menus. Guests do not determine menus. You offered your best and your guests were impolite and demanding. It is good that your husband had your back. Do not host these people again. If they want a specific menu, let them figure it out.”
Another user said: “If a ham was that important, they should have 1, stated that fact, and 2 offered to prepare and bring it and 3 respected the host.”