Are you surviving or thriving? A guide to letting go of negative thinking
As we step into a new year, it’s natural to reflect on the year that was. For some, these reflections bring happiness and gratitude. For others, they stir up painful memories, unresolved emotions or feelings of being stuck.
The holidays may have been a time of celebration for many but, for some, they were a reminder of family struggles, personal challenges or the difficulty of letting go.
If you’ve found yourself caught in a cycle of negative thinking or weighed down by old wounds, this is the perfect time to shift your mindset.
The start of a new year is an opportunity to leave behind the thoughts that no longer serve you and set your mind on a healthier, more positive path.
In these moments, it’s tempting to simply “compartmentalise” emotions just to get by. But as we enter the final stretch of the year, it’s worth asking ourselves: are we merely surviving or are we truly thriving?
The distinction between survival and thriving is not just semantics — it’s about understanding how our minds work and learning to let go of negative thinking patterns that keep us stuck in a cycle of stress, anxiety and unhappiness.
Joseph Nguyen, author of the international best-seller “Don’t Believe Everything You Think”, offers profound insights into why our minds function the way they do and how we can break free from limiting thought patterns.
Our minds are hard-wired for survival. This instinct passed down from our prehistoric ancestors, helped early humans stay alive in a world filled with threats like predators, harsh weather and disease.
In those times, staying in a social group was essential for survival — being ostracised could mean certain death. As a result, our brains evolved to fear judgment, rejection and anything that might jeopardise our place in the “tribe”.
According to Nguyen, while this survival mechanism served our ancestors well, it no longer aligns with our modern lives.
Today, losing a social bond or facing judgment may be painful but it’s not life-threatening. Yet, our minds still operate with that same primitive fear, constantly scanning for threats: real or imagined.
This is why we often find ourselves stuck in a state of fight-or-flight, even when no real danger exists.
Are you surviving or thriving?
Many of us spend our lives in “survival mode”. We react to challenges with stress, anxiety and frustration because our minds perceive every setback as a threat to our well-being.
However, as Nguyen explains, survival is no longer our primary concern. Instead, the real question is: “Are we happy?”
True happiness comes from thriving, experiencing peace, fulfilment and joy in our daily lives. To achieve this, we must move beyond the mind’s survival instincts and learn to manage our thoughts and emotions more effectively.
Nguyen stresses that while this process is simple, it’s not always easy. It requires practice, patience and a willingness to let go of the negative thinking patterns that keep us stuck.
But the good news is that it’s entirely possible — and it starts with taking a pause.
The PAUSE method: a five-step process to let go of negative thinking
Nguyen introduces a practical five-step process to help us break free from negative thought cycles. This method, summarised by the acronym PAUSE is a tool we can use any time we feel overwhelmed by our thinking.
Pause and breathe
The first step is to stop what you’re doing and take deep breaths. Breathing deeply helps calm your nervous system, pulling your focus away from your racing thoughts and anchoring you in the present moment.
This pause creates space between your emotions and your reactions, giving you a chance to choose a new response.
Ask your questions
Next, ask yourself:
- “Is this thinking making me feel the way I want?”
- “Do I want to keep suffering?”
These questions remind you that you have a choice. If you want peace, you can choose to let go of the thoughts that are causing your suffering.
And if you’re not ready to let go just yet, that’s okay too, acknowledge where you are without judgment.
Understand your power to choose
Recognise that you have the power to stop and let go of your thinking. At this moment, you must decide what you truly want: peace or continued suffering. Trust yourself to make the choice that aligns with your well-being.
Say and repeat a mantra
Repeating a simple phrase like “Thinking is the root cause of suffering” can help disempower your negative thoughts.
This mantra acts as a mental anchor, redirecting your focus and quieting your mind. Mantras are effective because they interrupt the flow of negative thinking, allowing you to regain control.
Experience your emotions fully
Finally, allow yourself to feel your emotions without judgment. Most of our suffering comes from resisting or suppressing our feelings. By fully experiencing your emotions, you can process them more quickly and let them go.
Remember, emotions are temporary, they will naturally pass if you don’t cling to them or attach negative thoughts to them.
Why letting go matters
When we cling to negative thoughts, we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. Our minds are designed to alert us to potential threats but they are not equipped to help us process emotions or find peace.
That’s the role of our bodies and our consciousness.
As we prepare to enter a new year, it’s the perfect time to reflect on how we want to live our lives. Do we want to stay stuck in survival mode, reacting to every challenge with stress and fear? Or do we want to embrace a mindset of thriving, where peace and joy become our daily companions?