Ultimately, the “Divorce Effect” transcends matters of physical appearance; it encapsulates the extensive emotional and psychological shifts experienced upon breaking free from an incompatible partnership.
Image: RDNE Stock project /pexels
Healing is a deeply personal journey, often far from graceful; it can be messy and challenging.
However, for some, this process ultimately offers a chance to start anew, release old burdens, and achieve a sense of freedom and lightness.
This phenomenon, often dubbed "the divorce effect”, has become a cultural talking point, amplified by the booming popularity of TikTok glow-up videos.
Divorcees are stepping into the spotlight, sharing their dramatic transformations, and sparking conversations about what’s possible when you finally let go of what no longer serves you.
The divorce effect on social media can be overwhelming. Watching someone go through a divorce often means seeing their struggles with things like weight loss, insomnia and anxiety. It can also make us reflect on our own relationships, sometimes making us feel uncertain or aware of issues we hadn’t noticed before.
In South Africa, divorce rates are on the rise. Statistics South Africa reported 22,230 finalised divorces in 2023, reflecting a 10.1% increase from the previous year.
The “10-year itch” is real, with 40–47% of divorces occurring within the first decade of marriage. Women, in particular, initiate 56.5% of proceedings, with a median age of 42.
Yet, while the numbers paint a bleak picture, they barely scratch the surface of the emotional and physical journeys that follow.
Creator who goes by wellnesswhitney shows off her post divorce glow up, captioning it: "When a women returns to her peaceful beautiful self"
Image: Social Media/TikTok
What's really happening beneath the surface? The glow-up explained
The viral “divorce glow-up” trend may appear to focus on external transformations - better skin, healthier bodies, elevated style but experts argue that these visible changes are merely the tip of the iceberg.
“What is often described as a glow-up is actually a visible expression of internal realignment,” Kirsten Harrison, an HPCSA-registered counsellor, explained to "Independent Media Lifestyle".
“When someone exits a relationship that required them to suppress parts of themselves, there’s often a gradual return to authenticity. This can lead to increased confidence, clarity, and energy. But it’s important to note that transformation is rarely linear or effortless.
"Beneath the surface, there’s grief, identity exploration, and emotional processing happening alongside the growth.”
Harrison noted that chronic relational stress, especially in toxic or controlling partnerships, keeps the body in survival mode. Elevated cortisol levels can wreak havoc on sleep, energy, and even skin health.
Once the nervous system begins to stabilise post-divorce, physiological shifts often follow. Improved sleep, reduced stress, and a return to self-care routines can lead to what may appear as a “glow”.
However, this isn’t just about aesthetics; it’s the body responding to newfound emotional safety.
The role of grief in transformation
Divorce isn’t just about ending a marriage; it’s about grieving the life you thought you’d have.
“Grief is central to the process,” said Margaret Ward-Martin, a BACP counsellor and founder of The Grace Project, shared with "Independent Media Lifestyle".
“You’re not only mourning the relationship but also shared goals, dreams, and sometimes even parts of yourself that were shaped in the partnership.”
Ward-Martin stressed the importance of leaning into these feelings rather than rushing to “move on”.
“Heartbreak can become a catalyst for self-actualisation when supported by reflection, therapy and safe relationships. But let’s not overgeneralise recovery timelines. Healing isn’t a straight path; cycles of sadness, anger and even relief are normal. The absence of a visible glow doesn’t mean progress isn’t happening.”
For many women, divorce represents a reclamation of autonomy. After years of emotional labour or living under oppressive dynamics, the freedom to make independent choices can feel both exhilarating and overwhelming.
“Reclaiming autonomy can be profoundly empowering,” Harrison noted. “Initially, the separation may trigger fear and uncertainty, but over time, as self-trust rebuilds, a woman’s sense of identity strengthens.
"Confidence often comes from the simple act of doing, whether that’s pursuing a new career, travelling solo, or reconnecting with hobbies that were sidelined during the marriage.”
Ward-Martin echoes this sentiment. “Coming out of a controlling relationship is like seeing the ocean for the first time.
"The ability to eat what you want, wear what you want, or see your friends without judgment can be life-changing. Ambition often stems from a newfound appreciation for these freedoms and a determination not to waste another minute.”
The double-edged sword of social media
While platforms like TikTok amplify empowering narratives, they can also oversimplify the complex realities of divorce. Viral “glow-up” stories risk creating unrealistic expectations for those still navigating the emotional and financial fallout of separation.
“Social media tends to compress healing journeys into bite-sized highlight reels,” Harrison warns. “While these stories can reduce stigma and inspire hope, they can also create pressure to appear resilient or transformed before someone has had the chance to fully process their grief.”
Ward-Martin cautioned: “Social media is a narrative, not everyone’s reality. For women in the 'ugly crying' stage, comparing themselves to polished online personas can feel like another failure. Healing is an inside job.
"True empowerment comes when you stop caring about public perception and start living in alignment with your own values.”
For women who don’t feel like they’re “glowing” post-divorce, both experts emphasise the importance of self-compassion.
“Forget the glow,” explained Ward-Martin. “If you managed to get out of bed today and send the kids off to school, that’s a win. There’s no universal timeline for healing. Take the pressure off and focus on small, daily acts of self-care.”
Harrison added, “True transformation doesn’t have to be visible. It’s about rebuilding your sense of self and reclaiming the parts of you that were suppressed. This takes time, patience, and a willingness to embrace the messy, nonlinear nature of healing.”
The divorce effect is less about physical glow-ups and more about the profound emotional and psychological shifts that can occur when someone breaks free from a misaligned partnership.