Indulgence is the name of the game for this bakkie that's so deliciously over the top it's gone all the way down the other side. GM SA, courtesy of Holden Australia, has brought us the Chevrolet Lumina SS Ute, a multi-purpose sports vehicle that the taxman will help you to buy.
Be grateful for this the second and much improved version to reach SA. Especially if you're the kind of individual who wants to be seen, heard and thoroughly noticed by driving a six-litre V8 with four exhaust pipes and a Magic Marker paint job from a vivid palette of crazy colours that I doubt you'll find in your kid's crayon box.
The previous SS range was launched in SA in late 2003.
Chev SA marketing manager Des Fenner emphasised the "look at me" syndrome during his presentation on Thursday at GM SA's HQ in Gauteng to introduce the bakkies:
"When you put your foot down in the Ute you'll know what expressive is all about."
The Ute (it's an Oz-speak abbrev. for utility wagon) in fact takes "expressive" and revs it all the way up to "outrageous" and it's all made so much more so because a business can claim back the VAT on a two-door bakkie/truck/ute.
That means more than forty grand of the R359 900 cheque you'll write for your Lumina SS will be returned to you by the taxman.
That's a pretty convincing clincher of a point when your significant other/dearly beloved asks you please to explain why you want a baby-poo green, life-sized Tonka Toy that has nowhere safe to put the shopping, can't be used for the school-run car pool and will make the plates in the china cabinet rattle when you fire it up in the morning.
You can add that your new SS will be great for camping weekends (for which one day you're going to buy a tent) or hauling 700kg of garden rubbish to the tip (yeah, like that's ever going to happen!).
And if all that fails to convince, borrow a demo unit and take him/her for a drive - as I am doing as I write this on my laptop in the passenger seat of a Lumina.
Avoid the manly bits such as the six-speed gearbox (manual or tiptronic, the price is the same), the speedo that reads from zero to jail time, will comfortably record 100km/h in around six seconds and scroll round effortlessly to around 225km/h.
Keep quiet the fact that the six-litre, all-aluminium engine has a compression ratio of 10:1, will make 270kW at 5700rpm and 530Nm at 4400 but rarely needs either because this truck cruises at 160km/h, in sixth, at around 2400rpm.
Do mention, however, that Les Stephenson checked the cruising fuel consumption after a 160km run along the N4 from Jozi en route to Mpumalanga and was very surprised that - real life, now! - the consumption was a modest 11 litres/100km.
Make much of the enormously spacious cabin, the superb seats and leg-room, the MP3-compatible audio system that racks six CD's and the chilling ability of the dual-zone auto aircon
Remark on the front and side crash bags, the enormous braking power and the various traction and vehicle stability systems but skip the exterior mirrors which are much too small and not worth mentioning.
Hold in reserve a description of the steering wheel (adjustable, comfortably thick and leather-wrapped) with its buttons for cruise control and audio adjustment, the short and chunky gearshifter, transmission tunnel with a switch to disengage the traction control (no, better not mention that), power window switches, cupholders and deep storage box within which resides a power socket.
A walk around the SS to point out its aesthetics can make much of the 8x18" alloys shod with seriously grippy 245/45 rubber, the third brake light above the rear window and the four exhausts, the loadbox cover and, yes, a full-size spare wheel.
You won't, of course, be able to show off the 75-litre fuel tank - just be happy to know it's there.
Finally, this bakkie is more fun to drive than any other two-seater on the market and, when you go on holiday, you CAN take the kitchen sink with you.
So, that's the Chevrolet Lumina SS Ute, the bakkie that thinks it's a Bugatti born of a union between a Porsche and a Mack truck - and my timing was perfect.
We've just hit Lydenburg and the bottom of Long Tom Pass and its time for co-driver Bobby Cheetham to get his ass out of the driving seat and let me back behind the wheel.
Vroom, vroom!