Ways to build confidence in kids and help them feel secure

DR SHEETAL BHOOLA

As we develop from childhood into adulthood, we often look back and realise the impact of various scenarios, circumstances and parenting styles that have helped shape our identities within our communities and our self-confidence.

Many individuals believe that being confident is a skill that can be learnt, whilst others feel it is an inherent characteristic often stemming from one's gene pool and personality. The perspectives are numerous, and not all of them are relevant to one's circumstances, home and educational environment, as well as community.

As parents, we significantly impact the development of our child's confidence.  Children need to feel sure of themselves, be happy with themselves, and have good self-esteem to be confident. A child's self-esteem is the central core of building a child's confidence. These two elements go hand in hand. Developing a healthy self-image is often based on how happy the child feels.

Some children are far more confident than others at an earlier age, and others can develop their confidence later. How we parent, how we communicate and the environment we expose our children to impact our children's confidence levels and their day-to-day realities of how life should be.

These environments teach children how to engage with others and reinforce their personal sense of surety. These are a few elements that contribute towards creating a normative environment for our children.

Self-acceptance and acknowledgement of who we are as adults are components of attaining self-confidence. However, as a child, this process is not initially in place but develops gradually.

Developing skills in a child is central to building personal surety and good confidence levels. The numerous extra-curricular activities such as sports, music, arts and crafts and other hobbies all empower a child to develop a skill they can carry into the teenage and adult years of their life.

Academic excellence has also been identified as a critical reason as to why children feel confident about themselves. In this regard, praise is essential, and it is very important that, as parents, we focus on the child's strengths rather than their weaknesses. This encourages a feeling and an acknowledgement of self-efficacy.

When an individual excels, achieves a goal or masters a task, their confidence is escalated with positivity. This can result in the development of the belief that if we increase efforts in a particular area, excellence is achievable. In addition, building skills in a child enables them to want to problem-solve and be willing to take on a challenge. For many individuals, confidence is built on their capacity to learn and achieve.

Initially, the onus is upon parents to assist their kids with the initial tasks until they learn to be self-efficient. We often teach through 'show and tell', and then the key is to allow them to engage in the activity independently, even if they make mistakes.

The initial sense of self-efficacy is built in this manner. Self-esteem is also impacted in this regard. Ideally, children should feel happy and proud that they attempted a task or activity independently, regardless of whether they performed it correctly or incorrectly.

Confidence is primarily based on skill development, irrespective of the development phase. At a later stage, confidence can be closely associated with excellence and achieving goals. It is the effort that the child makes that contributes to a healthy sense of self-surety.

The intent is to expose our children to a variety of skill-building activities such as competitions, exercises, creative classes, and sports, which will allow the child an opportunity to develop an interest in another skill.

Mathematics competitions and inter-school games of team sports all contribute towards creating a diverse learning experience for children. Greater involvement in schooling activities can positively impact your child's communication skills and enhance their social skills even further.

Some parents believe that academic and sporting competitions harm their child's growth and development. Still, these events allow schooling communities to showcase their pupils who excel academically or are highly skilled in specific sporting activities.

However, even though this approach can quickly build the confidence of a child who is excelling, it can also motivate other children to increase their efforts and set relevant and appropriate goals.

Learning in children is at its best through practice, whether it is mathematics or sport; after that, it is recommended that achievable goals are identified and then aspired to. The practice of any activity strengthens surety in the self and the skillset. Practice and repetition allow a child to take their skillset to levels of excellence and the achievement of their goals affirms this.

As parents, we are responsible for assisting our children in participating in activities and practising and collectively setting their goals with them. We must willingly affirm their achievements with positive feedback when these goals are achieved.

Children, too, need to be allowed to share and give to their peers. A child's confidence grows when they self-acknowledge the positive impact they have had on their peers or friends. Often, healthy relationships between children are initiated in this manner.

Children often learn and see the impact of effort from their immediate surroundings, such as parents, extended families and communities. They know that increased or greater efforts result in better outcomes and excellence.

The best we can do for South African children is to confidently arm them as they head into turbulent socio-economic South Africa. Their confidence levels will urge them to problem-solve, critically analyse, think, and act accordingly within educational and workplace spaces.

The process of building confidence begins at a tender age, and it is an attitude that every individual should aspire to adopt. It is central to coping in turbulent times and contributes towards a healthy mindset under challenging situations.

Dr. Sheetal Bhoola is a lecturer and researcher at the University of Zululand, and the director at StellarMaths (Sunningdale).

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