Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a strength

OZIEL MDLETSHE

The question I find myself grappling with is whether it's still possible to convince men to think differently about their health. Historically, men have been raised to embody strength. Society has shaped men to believe that masculinity equates to power, toughness, and invincibility.

We are expected to be strong, both physically and emotionally, regardless of the challenges we face. Yet, behind this mask of masculinity, we all know that there’s an element of vulnerability that we constantly suppress. We fear being exposed, not only to others but even to ourselves. This fear often leads us to neglect our health, our well-being, and ultimately, our lives.

What’s amazing and tragic about this fear is that it stops us from seeking the help we need. Perhaps it’s time we remind ourselves that we, as men, are human beings too. We feel pain, we suffer, we cry, and one day, we will die. But while death is inevitable, premature suffering and illness are not. We have the power to prevent some of these outcomes, yet too often, we let fear and pride get in the way of self-care.

Many studies confirm that men are less likely than women to seek medical attention. Take a visit to any health facility in your community, and you’ll notice more women than men in the waiting rooms. This is not because men aren’t affected by illness. It’s because we abstain from seeking help. Unfortunately, this is not a reflection of our physical strength, but rather a stubborn mindset that we’ve inherited over generations.

The most devastating part of this behaviour is that it doesn’t just affect us as men, it impacts our partners, our children, and our families. Many health issues that men face can be transmitted to others, directly or indirectly.

For example, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), if left untreated, can have serious consequences for our partners. Similarly, tuberculosis (TB), an airborne disease, can spread to everyone in the household, putting the entire family at risk. The health of men, therefore, is not just a personal issue, it’s a family and community concern.

As men, we attend summits and dialogues about men’s health, often organised by concerned community groups or health professionals. But how much impact are these gatherings truly making? Do we leave these events with a changed mindset, or do we continue to cling to outdated ideas of strength and self-reliance? I raise these questions as a man who has been looked down upon by others, simply because I live openly with HIV.

The reality is that being open about my health status allowed me to confront my fears. It freed me from the burden of pretending to be a strong man while silently suffering. By shedding that mask, not only saved my own life, but I also protected my partner and family from harm.

In my view, part of a man's role is to protect those we love. And if that means facing uncomfortable truths about our health, then so be it. If I fall, I must rise and move on, because it’s not just about it, it’s about those who depend on me as well.

This is an uncomfortable conversation for many, whether you're a health professional, a policymaker, or a family member concerned about a loved one. But it’s a conversation we must have. Men’s health behaviour is not just about access to healthcare or affordability, it’s about changing our mindset. The biggest barrier we face isn’t our lack of physical strength, but our reluctance to admit that we need help.

As men, we need to learn to unlearn the harmful lessons we’ve been taught about masculinity. We must realise that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Taking care of our health is not just about prolonging our lives, it’s about ensuring that we are there for our families, our communities, and ourselves. We need to make this shift, not just for today, but for the future and for the sustainable well-being of the generations that will follow in our footsteps.

It’s time to think otherwise. Our strength lies not in our ability to suffer in silence, but in our courage to seek help when we need it. Let’s redefine what it means to be a man, for our health, and for the health of those we love.

Oziel Mdletshe is an HIV and Human Rights activist.

The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media or IOL.

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