Spray-tan 'sportpocalypse' meets geopolitics: South Africa in the eye of the Trump storm

Recently, I was coaxed into watching Selling the OC.

Vapid, superficial, brain-numbingly infuriating — with scripted melodrama that even the best daytime soapies would be embarrassed about. I could feel the brain-rot seep into my body and coil its parasitic and exploitative critique of human society around my soul.

One of the contestants (?), cast members (?), personalities (?), estate agents (?), blights on humanity (?), whatever, was so spray-tanned I might have mistaken them for a fire hydrant.

I am not overly fond of reality TV; it is the nadir of our culture, the antithesis of progress and, in most cases, an irritation on regularly scheduled programming. In future, when historians look back at this particular point in time — à la Edward Gibbon — I am fairly sure they will link reality TV somehow to the fall of our civilisation.

My reality TV, I suppose, has always been sport.

Nevertheless, this particular season of the renewed TRUMP’S AMERICA! has got me hooked. It is more surreal, dramatic and shocking than anything anyone anywhere dares to write down or engineer.

It has new plotlines and threads appearing almost daily, with nearly every imaginable storyline presented: war, death, peace, murder, sex scandals, spy thrillers, international intrigue, political upheaval, economic chaos, cultural battles, alien invasions, conspiracies, real-life repercussions — all rolled into one continuous, overreaching arc with a tangle of subplots to follow and digest.

South Africa has not been untouched by all of this; and South African sport may soon feel the weight of it, too.

Recently, SA hosted the G20 summit, which the US did not attend due to various perceived notions and false narratives — the kind of tall tales that obfuscate the real socio-economic and cultural problems the majority of South Africans face daily; the kind of red-herring spiel that makes it even more difficult to tackle those injustices and affect real change.

In the wake of that geopolitical tension, the US — who will host the next G20 summit next year — has struck back by “uninviting” South Africa, a member nation of the supranational organisation. Whether they can do so, I am unsure; but what I suspect they can do is revoke visas on a whim.

They have already done so with Naledi Pandor.

And that could have massive repercussions for the everyday South African. Next year, Bafana Bafana must travel to participate in the Fifa World Cup 2026 in the US, Canada and Mexico. The venue structure is such that participating nations will have to play in at least two countries during the group stages.

I do not believe Bafana will be banned from playing at the showpiece — Fifa would surely regard that as political interference, something they are quick to condemn and sanction. Rather, Bafana’s supporters, at the very least, could be made to jump through increasingly difficult red tape and hoops to gain access to the US.

Already, a handful of nations are grappling with bans from the US, which will complicate their attendance. Moreover, several major sporting events will be hosted in America over the next few years.

The LA Olympics in 2028 and the 2031 Rugby World Cup are important events for South African sporting codes, and are seemingly under threat for political reasons.

Now, as with so much in our current reality, my concern may be akin to fear-mongering. There might be no reason to worry about South Africans — well, at least the minority who have the means — attending these sport-defining events.

It is possible there may be a cooling of tensions between us and them in the coming weeks. That remains an unknown, a possibility in the probabilities of international relations. Still, it would be a shame — a travesty — if South Africans were barred from attending these events, especially the Fifa World Cup.

Many sacrifices have been made to get Bafana there after a 16-year wait.

So, I truly hope an accord can be reached between the affected parties to flatten out the current discord among nations.