Opinion - Tragedy.
It’s true when it rains it pours except this time it involved fire and it left me wondering about who we truly are as a community, a country and humanity as a whole.
Sunday night - 11pm - two young men were burnt to death in a road accident after their car burst into flames when it crashed into a tree.
Two days later, the Edith Benson Home was engulfed in flames and 60 children had to be evacuated.
A coincidence, although I don’t believe in coincidence is the fact that the deceased actually spent the last day of their lives feeding the children at that home.
Both incidents left in its wake tremendous loss and devastation, but what really impacted was the responses I have heard from people, their opinions and numerous conspiracy theories.
On one hand, two people lost their lives which caused damage to the mental and emotional well-being of their friends and families.
While they had the support of family and friends, they had to also deal with the harsh judgements.
“What did the family expect? You give children fancy cars to drive and bring up spoiled brats who race to show their power, so why are they surprised that they died. That’s what happens when you have too much privilege.”
Are you shocked? No you can’t be? These comments are real and have been repeated so many times and by people who didn’t even know these young men.
It took me back to when my 20-year-old brother died in a bike accident. My parents got the same response: “What did you all expect to happen? You bought him the bike, so why are you surprised he had an accident. Everyone knows that it’s death on two wheels.”
I even remember when I bought my late husband his dream car - a Subaru - and he died in it. Again, instead of getting the desperate care I needed, I was blamed for giving him a car to kill him.
In the midst of the most devastating moments of our lives, when we needed emotional and mental support the most, we were instead battered and bruised for life and made to feel guilty.
Why? Because we lived privileged lives, so didn’t deserve sympathy and in the deepest grief we were abandoned and by some of the people we considered closest to us.
And then I saw the outpouring of support for the children’s home.
People from all over the country were offering anything and everything these children would need, but what caught my eye was the number of people who mentioned the names of the businesses they owned first before they offered any support.
Was it an attempt to support only because in some way it would be beneficial to themselves as well?
Still, it warmed my heart to see so much love, but what pierced my heart further was the many conspiracy theories regarding this tragedy as well.
“They must have started the fire themselves to get insurance to pay out and get money from the public.”
Oh! Yes, there were also the other comments like: “Why should we give money, rather give food and clothes because we all know these people take the money for themselves.”
It took me back to January 14, 2011. My aunt’s house burned to the ground. It was devastating. They had lost everything. Yes, many people were there, standing by and watching, shaking their heads and piteously wondering what would become of the family of six.
I remember that exact moment when the fire died down and there was nothing left to do.
The family stood there in ruins, crying while everyone surrounded them.
Then they mentioned they had nowhere to stay and didn’t even know where they would spend the night.
In that moment every person standing around them suddenly turned their backs on them and got into other conversations between each other pretending they didn’t hear them.
My husband and I stood there and without a second thought offered our home to them.
Yes, the family moved in with us and lived with us for months until their house was rebuilt and what was so sad in those months was the fact no one cared if they were doing well emotionally or mentally.
No one bothered to assist them going forward, but when their house was rebuilt and even better than it was before, the conspiracy theories started again. “See they must have set their own house on fire to get insurance to build them a new and fancy one and to get paid out.”
My point is this as humanity have we become so devoid of emotion, sensitivity and just plain kindness? So often we attach monetary value to all aspects of life but, in a tragedy, are we able to understand what it really is that people need.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment and the smallest act of genuinely caring without the conspiracy theories and unfounded conclusions or the expectation of something in return.
When we can do those things we have no idea how positively and drastically we can turn a life around.
The essential difference between emotional support and monetary support is that emotional support leads to positive action, while the latter leads to negative conclusions and so we have to ask ourselves whether the support we offer is genuine, sincere and what is actually needed.
Are we causing more disabling than enabling. You choose life.
* Tash Reddy is an entrepreneur, radio and film producer and founder of Widowed South Africa.
