Richard Hawkey was a businessman who had it all. A successful career in banking, a wife he loved, two children and all the material trappings associated with an upwardly-mobile 39-year-old.
But beneath it all, he was disillusioned and unsatisfied. He saw no meaning or purpose in most aspects of his work but ploughed on because “well, that’s what you do”.
He was an A-type personality, driven and ambitious, impatient and talkative, an achiever who took his BlackBerry on holiday.
So when a wall of depression hit him while on a family vacation on the North Coast, he was perplexed.
“I was on holiday, but I was snappy and irritable, I had no interest in doing anything and I lost my appetite,” he says. “In short I made the family’s holiday miserable.”
Back home in Johannesburg, he consulted his GP who said he had suffered burnout and was displaying many of the signs of depression: a sad, anxious or empty mood; feelings of hopelessness and pessimism; feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness and a loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyed, including sex.
“Looking back, I had had warning signs for years,” says Richard.
“But I ignored them. We take more notice of the warning signs on the dashboard of our cars than we do of ourselves.”
Things got worse and Richard was unable to return to work after his holiday.
His days were spent in a mental fog at home, permanently exhausted.
“What was most frightening was that I lost the ability to feel love for my family and I could understand why some people with depression contemplate and even commit suicide.”
Richard was put on medication and it took months to find the right anti-depressants, along with severe side effects.
He was referred to a psychiatrist and psychologist. He was seriously clinically depressed and was given temporary disability leave from work.
Richard’s burnout, his journey through the dark months of depression and his subsequent recovery are documented in his book, Life Less Lived (Xlibris). It is not an angst-ridden tale of misery – it’s an easy-to-read account of his illness and recovery, something that could happen to anyone on the hamster’s wheel of modern life. It also contains up-to-date statistics, research and resources.
“The incidence of burnout and depression is alarmingly high,” says Richard.
“Sadly, many people don’t recognise or acknowledge the signs. They just become accustomed to the way they are feeling and think it is normal.
“It isn’t normal to be sick every six weeks or so or to feel tired most of the time. But we no longer trust what our bodies are trying to tell us.
“Burnout creeps up on you. Far too many people are in a stage of burnout and don’t know it. What is even sadder is that we have created a society that rewards us for driving ourselves even harder and further, with scant regard for our well-being. Being a workaholic and being good at multi-tasking are seen as badges of honour.
“It may take years to manifest fully – in my case it was gestating for over a decade.
“Most people push through the early signs and carry on delivering. But push things too far and critical mass is reached – the body shuts down, entering into survival mode. This is when people literally can’t get out of bed. It is our ‘primitive’ brain’s way of protecting us.
“There is a logical progression from stress to burnout to depression.
“The good news is that the chain can be broken at any stage.”
Richard’s wife, Rachel, says her husband’s experience of burnout and depression was tough on everyone.
She knew they would get through it – she just didn’t know how long it would take.
“I was upset to see him so helpless and about the effect it was having on our two boys. I took over all of the decision-making and at times it was tough, but I had good support from family, colleagues and friends.”
As Richard started to feel better, he realised he could not go back to his old way of living. Medication was helping but he needed to restructure his life – and that involved changes in diet, exercise, lifestyle. He learned meditation (something he’d scoffed at previously) and visualisation techniques – and resigned from his high-stress job.
From his journal of recovery, he discovered he loved writing – hence the publication of Life Less Lived. He is now working on a second book.
He formed a company Equilibrium Solutions and gives talks and training to corporates and groups in stress management.
“Stress impacts the employee and the bottom line,” he says.
Symptoms of stress
* Physical: fatigue, headache, insomnia, muscle aches/stiffness (especially neck, shoulders and low back), heart palpitations, chest pains, abdominal cramps, nausea, trembling, cold extremities, flushing or sweating and frequent colds
* Mental: decrease in concentration and memory, indecisiveness, mind racing or going blank, confusion, loss of sense of humour
* Emotional: anxiety, nervousness, depression, anger, frustration, worry, fear, irritability, impatience and short temper
* Behavioural: pacing, fidgeting, nervous habits (nail-biting, foot-tapping), increased eating, smoking, drinking, crying, yelling, swearing, blaming and even throwing things or hitting out.
Stress-related illnesses rob firms of millions
Stress, burnout and depression are becoming major problems in the workplace, says Cassey Chambers of the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag).
“Companies are losing up to 16 days every year in productivity, per employee, because of stress, anxiety and depression,” she says.
“Many employees are ‘emotionally drained’ and ‘burned out’ at the end of the day.
“Greater demands are placed on staff and we feel we are in constant ‘learning mode’ to keep up with technological advances. We not only have to constantly learn and absorb – and use – new skills, but we have to do our usual jobs, too.”
Stress is not only caused by things outside us – bosses, children, husbands – but paradoxically, much of our stress is self-generated, she says.
This is the first step in managing stress levels. Since we create most of our stress, we can manage most of our stress.
The potential for burnout increases depending on individual personality, working environment and the type of work.
Those who give 120 percent, are idealistic, goal-orientated people who believe anything is possible if you work hard enough, perfectionists with unrealistically high expectations and standards – are all possible candidates of stress, burnout and depression.
For some people a minor bump causes a major disruption in their lives, whereas other people can walk through a minefield without blinking.
The key is that it’s our reaction to a situation that causes stress, rather than the actual event.
“The problem is that we have become so accustomed to being stressed that at times, we don’t even notice the symptoms. We claim the symptoms are something else: headaches, muscle aches, depression, irritability, losing our temper.
“What we fail to realise is that these are all symptoms of stress, and if they go untreated, could result in more serious conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, infertility – even death.
“Stress is one of the top emerging health risks and even mild stress can increase your risk of developing cardiovascular disease.”
Chambers says many of us try to “feel better” and reduce the effects of stress by excessive drinking, smoking or eating too much. Other people take a more passive approach – daily massages, listening to soothing music.
“Healthy strategies are good, but not good enough. Focusing on trying to reduce the effects of stress after it has happened doesn’t work in the long-term. We need to stop feeling the stress – period.”
Sadag offers corporate stress management courses, as well as workshops and programmes on depression, anxiety and other psychosocial issues.
* To talk about stress, depression, anxiety and burnout, call Sadag at 011 262 6396 from 8am to 8pm seven days a week or SMS 31393 or visit their website at www.sadag.co.za
* Life Less Lived is available for R130 from [email protected], www.kalahari.net or selected Exclusive Books stores - Daily News