“Do your worst.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was a mistake.
The Stig, turning his head slightly towards me, floored the accelerator of the turbocharged BMW M6. The car roared as it skidded through the car park, bits of burning rubber bouncing out behind it as its wheels started to smoke.
As we hurtled round corners, spinning around haphazardly placed cones, my mind turned to the breakfast of croissants and orange juice I had just devoured minutes earlier. How much would it cost to valet the car?
I pleaded with him to slow down, but my words fell on deaf ears as the silent racer continued to swerve around the wet car park - seemingly trying to kill me.
When we finally came to a stop, he once again glanced at me. I could sense a sinister smile playing under his shiny visor.
EXTRA SLIPPERY
Top Gear’s “tame” racing driver, The Stig, had landed in Durban and he wanted to spend Tuesday tearing up the city’s tarmac at an event held at Moses Mabhida stadium.
But he wasn’t going at it alone.
Clad in his signature outfit of a white jumpsuit and matching racing helmet, he stood with his arms folded, waiting for his next victim as celebrities and media queued up for a chance to join him.
The car park outside the stadium had been covered in a layer of water to make it extra slippery. So when The Stig and his first set of “victims” set off, the car spent the majority of its time spinning around at breakneck speeds.
“I’m glad I didn’t eat any breakfast this morning,” said somebody in the queue as the car suddenly drifted across the tarmac.
SHAKEN AND STIRRED
Olympic gold medalist Chad le Clos looked nervous as he was strapped into the turbocharged car - clearly more comfortable in the pool than the passenger seat.
After The Stig had taken him through a gauntlet of twists and turns, he emerged, looking shaken.
“It was awesome… um, it was awesome,” was all he managed to say.
After his ride with The Stig, radio personality DJ Fresh said: “It was too short, but flip, he knows what he’s doing. He is a professional there’s no doubt about that.”
The Stig doesn’t talk or shake hands, but this didn’t stop a few people trying to bait the mysterious racer into a conversation.
“All I got out of him was a nod.”
DJ Fresh’s attempt at shaking hands was met with stoic indifference as The Stig just stood there with his arms folded.
“Not sure how I will get that to translate on my radio show.”
Such was the ferocity of the anonymous racing driver’s antics that the M6 had to have all four tyres replaced halfway through the session owing to wear.
The Stig’s role on Top Gear is to set lap times for cars that are tested on the British motoring television show. The character is a part of a long-running joke, with the show’s hosts claiming they don’t know who, or what, is inside The Stig’s racing suit.
But The Stig’s true identity has been exposed in the past, with racing driver Ben Collins coming forward in 2010 confirming that he was The Stig. He has since been replaced.
The racer wasn’t just there to rattle the cages of a few celebrities.
With the Top Gear Festival set to roar into life at Durban’s Moses Mabhida Stadium on June 15, The Stig was giving everyone a taste of what was to come.
The festival will see fleet of sports cars thrown at races, “stupid and daring stunts” and grudge matches.
Top Gear Live chief executive James Cooke-Priest said this year’s show would be bigger and better than last year, and that the organisers had an “exciting announcement” about the event which would be disclosed soon. Besides the updated and extended street circuit, two-time Formula 1 champion Mika Hakkinen along with local Dakar Rally stalwart Geniel de Villiers would make an appearance.
Last year saw 67 000 spectators attend the show, which starred Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, all of whom are set to return. - Cape Argus, The Mercury