Johannesburg - When last did you write or receive a love letter?
I remember when I was at school (during the rinderpest) we learnt how to address, structure and send a letter. We knew the difference between a love letter and a business letter. Our knuckles were beaten if we used slang, fortunately there were no emojis. We knew how to spell.
Where is all this coming from I hear you ask! Monday was ‘Write a Love Letter Day’ and I started wondering how many of us would be able to write one if we wanted to?
I remember my son telling me that Eminem was the greatest poet of his generation, me I’m a bit more old fashioned. I look to the Romantics like Elizabeth Barrett Browning or WH Auden. Their poetry speaks to my soul.
If you listen to any modern music, the lyrics are always about love, betrayal or heartbreak. I can’t think of one popular song about plumbing!
We all have that favourite song that takes us back to the arms of a lover. We may even have a special song for each special person. Romeo and Juliette by Dire Straits takes me to a weekend where we never left the room. Lady in Red by Chris de Burgh reminds me of driving to the airport in Rio, with a man who was to be my first husband. Say you love me, Simply Red makes me long for the one who got away and With or without you, U2 breaks my heart into a thousand pieces.
They’re all songs – poetry or love letters put to music. I often wonder which one I’ll remember most on my deathbed.
I’m a sentimental fool (and a horder) when it comes to love. I still have every love letter ever written to me, starting from when I was 10! They’re all in a box on the top of my wardrobe, tied together with velvet ribbon.
And then the letters stopped. I don’t mean I stopped receiving missives. The medium changed. No more paper and pens. No more perfumed envelopes.
Now it's all email or WhatsApp messages, many with GIFS or intimate pictures. They have to be saved in the cloud or screen grabbed. If you have been lazy and not done a backup, and your phone gets stolen all those love letters are gone. It’s the equivalent of your house burning down!
I love going through my box of letters and randomly pulling one out to read. Obviously, the promises to love forever have been broken but it doesn’t detract from how much we loved them. There it is on paper, in ink. It’s special.
Many of us don’t have the words to express how we feel. It’s a forgotten art.
Many of us express our love in different ways. My language of love, since I’ve stopped writing love letters, is service. It’s how I show and how I receive love. So I’ll cook you a meal or crochet you a blanket. In return I expect you to fix my pool or reformat my computer.
My partner's language of love is physical, and I don’t mean sex all the time. He wants to be touched. When we walk together, hands must be held. If he is popping to the shops, nothing gives him more joy than me going with him for the drive. And if I put my hand on his leg while he is driving, all the better. This is not me, but I’ve learnt that it’s something I need to do to show him how much I really love him.
My children operate on words of affirmation. They need to be told that they are loved. I know because I asked when we were discussing the languages of love. There are 5 of them as set out in a book by Gary Chapman.
They are:
– Words of affirmation
– Acts of service
– Quality time
– Gifts
– Physical touch
We all have our preferences and no one is more important than the other. The trick is knowing which one works for you, and which one works for your partner and then implement.
A love letter is how we got started but maybe it doesn’t have to be a letter in the strict sense of the word, maybe it can be an act of service or a random kiss. Try it this week and see the miracles and memories it will create.
If your imagination is still lacking, you can pop over to the Lola Montez Blog and download one or all the poems we have made available. Print it out and give it to your desire.
I’d love to hear what love songs do for you or how you shared your love letter this week. Comment below or email me [email protected]