Abuse, infidelity, poor communication and a lack of finances are some of the driving factors that result in some marriages ending in divorce, before the 10-year mark.
According to a study by Statistics South Africa (Stats SA), 18 208 completed divorce forms were processed in 2021. This was an increase of 13.1% from the 16 097 divorces processed the previous year.
The study revealed that 4.8% of the divorces - which equate to 881 cases of divorces granted - were from the Indian/Asian population; 9 175 were African, 3 202 coloured, and 3 652 white.
Of the 881 Indian/Asian cases, 533 divorces were filed by women, 273 by husbands, and 75 were either mutual or unspecified. In addition, 471 of those divorced had children under the age of 18. The total number of children affected was 2 579.
The age group with the highest number of divorces was between 35 to 39, followed by 40 to 44, and 45 to 49.
Yolanda Celeste Akram, an attorney, said: “Every year, dreams of marital bliss are shattered as more married couples call it quits and get divorced in South Africa.
“In fact, the latest statistics released by Stats SA indicate that fewer people are tying the knot, and an increasing number of couples end up in divorce court.”
Akram said she received about eight requests for guidance and advice on the divorce procedure per month.
“However, some opt to seek marriage counselling first before they start the process, while others have made up their minds and insist on moving forward with the process.”
Akram said some of the reasons cited were physical and mental abuse, infidelity, addiction, finances, parental responsibility, religious differences, and a lack of communication.
“However, I have noted that the common reason in most cases is due to a lack of communication. A lack of communication in all areas of a marriage can cause major damage to the relationship.
“Couples who have communication problems, which usually lead to divorce and breakdown, cannot find the middle way and cannot compromise. Communication in a marriage also does not mean agreeing with each other.
“Many couples lack communication when it comes to making decisions about finances, which results in problems and endless arguments. Couples also have a complete lack of communication when they have to make decisions about their children.”
Akram said she always suggested divorce mediation before starting the process.
“Divorce mediation is an excellent alternative to litigation for couples, who are willing to work together to reach a mutually acceptable agreement. While it may not be suitable for all couples, it can be a more cost-effective and less stressful way to end a marriage, especially if there are children.
“This way, the couple can maintain some control over the outcome of their divorce ,and avoid the uncertainty and expense of a court battle,” she said.
Serisha Inderjeeth, an attorney who specialises in family law, said divorce cases had increased drastically in recent years, especially after the Covid-19 pandemic.
“Younger South Africans, married for just a few years, more often than in the past, are deciding to divorce. This also includes more couples with children below the age of 18 years,” she said.
Inderjeeth said on average six clients approach her office a month for advice on divorce proceedings.
"Not all proceed, but the looming thought to divorce is on their mind.”
Inderjeeth said abuse and infidelity were two major contributors to the dissolution of a marriage.
“Over the years, family dynamics have changed. In most South African households, both spouses are career-driven and goal-oriented. Both want to gain personal fulfilment and achievement.
“From my case studies, it is evident that this clash of needs leads to strain and distress in a marriage, which leads to distance and eventually a breakdown in the marital relationship.”
Inderjeeth said from the onset she advised the couples about the options available to reconcile.
“This includes giving them the option to engage with their spouse via my office, or with the assistance of a marriage counsellor. This may also include a religious leader or trusted family member to mediate and guide the parties before making the final decision of proceeding to divorce.”
She said marriages in which children were involved were often the most emotional and long-winded in that the needs of not just the parties but also the children were at the forefront.
“However, counselling assists parties to co-parent harmoniously and reduce the negative impact a divorce may have on their children. It is never an easy or straightforward decision to end a marriage. It is certainly more difficult to deal with it when you are on the receiving end of the divorce papers. Navigating through it with a knowledgeable attorney familiar with the process and one who displays empathy and guidance is important,” she said.
Sasha Talia Pather, a private practice counsellor, said between 15 to 20 new clients approached her monthly for couple’s counselling.
“This number has increased from previous years. Many of the requests relate to infidelity and abuse. The other concerns would be communication, intimacy, trust, or finances. However, most concerns stem from specific root issues.
“Many couples want to take the divorce option and are hanging by threads in their relationship, so they use counselling as a last resort. However, this should not be left as the last option.”
Pather said within the Indian community divorce appeared to have become a norm.
“The divorce rate seems to be extremely high and is continuing down this path. A driving factor can be anything from the tiniest to the greatest reason - as long as the couple allows the reason to drive them to divorce, it definitely will. However, under no circumstance should anyone be silent or tolerate abuse in a marriage or stick out a marriage that is tormenting them.”
Pather said counselling could assist a marriage in a dynamic way and should be incorporated within a healthy marriage.
“There are vast benefits such as healthy communication, forming boundaries, rebuilding trust, resolving trauma, healing from abuse or other incidents, creating a healthy environment and reconditioning toxic environments, reigniting intimacy, as well as providing holistic health to a marriage.
“I also think pre-marriage counselling helps by creating awareness of who the individuals are and what the marriage is, then creating what the marriage should be based on what the couple wants. It assists in goal setting, resolving issues, clarity on the next steps together, and building a strong foundation. Everything derives from the foundation,” she said.